Research Assistant

FUBAR!
Well, here I am in Up the Road. It’s been two days of the most completely surreal, disorganized, and poorly managed orientation I have ever lived through. I keep telling myself that it has to get better, and that a bad dress rehearsal means a good performance. I hope to hell that’s true.

I arrived on Sunday afternoon, and as usual, I got lost and wandered about for awhile before I found where I was supposed to stay until my apartment was ready. Part of that was Google’s fault for making their maps and directions more convoluted and backwards than usual. By the time I got there I was feeling completely horrid; somehow, while loading my car, I’d managed to get myself a pretty good back spasm. So I thought, anyway.

I’d been told to go over to the hospital staffing office and ask for the traveler packet, so I dutifully did so, even though I was feeling worse by the minute, only to be told “We don’t have any. They haven’t been giving them to us to give you.” Well, that was useless, I thought, and dragged myself back to my car. By this time I hurt everywhere, not only my back, but all over, with a pounding headache and a spaced-out feeling I couldn’t figure out. I realized I hadn’t had anything much to eat all day, so I thought I’d run over to Wal-Mart, right across the street from the hotel, grab something, and go back and hole up in my room. Which is exactly what I did. When I got back there it suddenly occurred to me what my problem was; I’d had my flu shot on Friday and was having the first and only reaction I’d ever had to one. So I medicated myself, ate, and wrapped up in a blanket for the rest of the evening, feeling nothing short of hideous.

Monday morning I got up feeling mostly okay, just a little tired. I went to the hospital as instructed, expecting to meet the person billing herself as “nurse recruiter” in HR. Instead, I was directed back to the staffing office, where a couple of bewildered schedulers were with three equally bewildered travelers. After some frantic phone calls, it was finally decided that we should go to the HR office, which is in a huge shopping center about 3 miles from the hospital. We were given directions (which turned out to be largely bogus) and all piled into one nurse’s van. When we got to the office, the lights were on but the door was locked and no one was there. We stood outside in the dark and cold trying to figure out what to do, until finally one of us took charge and started making phone calls.and getting voicemails! Eventually she managed to get hold of someone in administration, who informed us we were supposed to be back at the hospital in HR!!! So we piled back into the van and went back to the hospital, laughing because it beat being angry, and eventually managed to find the HR office and the “nurse recruiter,” who turned out to be an uppity blonde 20-something with major attitude. Her first words to us were, “You’re late!” We know, we said, attempting to explain what had happened, but she didn’t seem to want to hear it. We had obviously messed up her agenda and she was going to let us know about it. She took pictures for our badges and sent us to the education center around the corner.

At last we were where we were supposed to be! We got started with the innumerable tests that every hospital demands–OSHA, HIPAA, safety, patient rights, pharmacology, etc. etc.–only to be interrupted by another blonde 20-something, this one pleasant and earnest, who wanted to know what had happened earlier and who had sent not only us, but at least half of the other orientees, to the wrong places. She took copious notes and promised us “things will get straightened out.”

And the screwups continued. At lunchtime, three of our little group climbed into someone’s car and headed for the place we’d been told to go to for our drug screen.to which, it turned out, we had been given more bogus directions! But we found it, duly peed in cups, and headed on back, swooping into KFC for a snack before the afternoon’s LOOOOOOOOONG computer learning session, on a program I’ve used before.

(To be continued)

Research Assistant
We currently have the opportunity for a Research Assistant to join our European Equities Business.
Rgns Rmns required for substance misuse work (ad-hoc) (London)
Qualified Rmns Rgns required for full and part time agency work within residential detox and crisis services. Substance misuses experience desirable but not essential. However you must have one year s post registration experience. To apply please call 020 7242 6144 to speak to the recruitment team or e-mail your Cv to bloomsbury parkwoodhealthcare.co.uk. To see more about this position and many others please visit our website w.parkwoodhealthcare.co.uk Please note to register with Parkwood you must be able to provide the following documentation. 1) 2 Managerial References (work contact details) 2) 2 passport-sized Photos 3) Passport 4) Proof of National Insurance Number 5) 2 x Proof of address (utility bill or bank statement) 6) Hepatitis B titre levels (Blood Test) 7) Evidence of immunity against Rubella (Blood Test) 8) Evidence of immunity against Varicella-Zoster (Chicken pox) 9) Evidence of immunity against Tb 10 36 cash or cheque for Crb check 11) Current Manual Handling &amp Basic Life Support certificates 12 Qualified Staff) Nmc Pin Card and Statement of Entry 13) Cv of full work history 14) Any relevant professional development certificates

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